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“Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?” Bull snakes…”very dangerous. You go first.” Okay, maybe Sallah says “asps” and not bull snakes. But first…you know the movie. Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark, or affectionately known as just “Raiders” in most circles. This may be a top 5 movie in my world, and from a time when we had movies with new ideas and not everything was a spin off of a comic book. But I digress.
There are a few things that I have an unfounded fear of, like sharks. In my early years, we lived on the Gulf Coast of Texas, and I remember watching the beginning of Jaws when they had it on tv in the early 80s. I was not supposed to be in the room…but I watched the opening scene and well, I’ve been afraid of sharks ever sense. The other one is snakes. I don’t know if it comes from understanding that Satan was a snake in the Book of Genesis, or if it’s that I grew up hearing about rattlesnakes. That fear is real…which brings me to this week.
On my way home Tuesday, I picked Jackson up from music class. He thinks he will be drumming in my garage later in life…no chance in hell that’s happening. Anyway, we are pulling into the driveway at home and he has to listen to the last 30 seconds of this song. It’s not interesting, there are no words…it’s the same beat for 30 more seconds…you know the music. But I pick my battles…and I had 30 seconds to waste. Well, there is this tree to the right of the truck. It’s taller and probably bushier than it needs to be. Well one of the branches looked weird. As my eyes focused, I realized that it was a snake…and not a small snake. In the tree. About shoulder height. Yes, the windows were up…it was 97 degrees outside. THANK GOD! So I inched up a little so Jackson, sitting in the backseat, could see what a snake looks like up close…but protected. It was one of those, “no I don’t see it…I don…aaauuuggghhhhh!!!!” So I start laughing, mainly because I am feeling the same way. I pull into the garage and then have this notion that, well, this snake may like the shade of the garage. Oh HELL no!
I jump out. Tell Jackson to go into the house and DO NOT COME OUT. I don’t know what kind of snake it is…and there are signs behind my home about rattlesnakes. But good news…I have one of these: |
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Why? I don’t know. But all of the sudden this “You are Dad” rush came over me. I grabbed this handling tool and went to the tree. It was not there. Huh…so it’s above me! Nope. Okay, in the garage? Nope. In the house?!?! No…that’s unreasonable. Then I spot it on the ground below the tree…hiding in a bush. Okay…I gotta grab this thing…and…then what, Tim? What the hell do you with a snake once you grab it? Kill it. Okay…are you planning to use your other hand? No. F that. I need something sharp for the other hand. So I walk back to the garage and find something sharp…I close the garage because these things move fast. I reach down to grab it and…snag! But I miss the head because he took off and now I’m pulling on the body…and it will not come loose. It’s grabbed on to something and won’t come with me. Then I think…what if it all of the sudden it releases…and my pulling flings it back at me?! Aauuuggghhhh. About this time, while all of this is going on in my head…and no other sounds, Jackson yells you got it! Which scared the living shit out of me! You are not expecting that, you are pulling on a snake…come on. So I have to grab it by the head, so I release the snake and…..zoom! It’s gone. They move fast…and blend in. For 25 minutes, I am looking for this thing, yelling for Jackson to stay in the house. Neighbors are passing me by…clearly knowing what the tool is for and NOT stopping to help me. Great. Thanks neighbors. But I need to find this thing…I am Dad. I cannot have my 5 year old outside when I know for sure there is a snake living near by. Then I see it… |
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The tail continues off to the left. And it is thick in the center…like it just ate. This thing is about 4-5 feet long. (You are now scratching itches on your body looking at this pic right?) Hey, get off my house! I start to walk up to it…and it zooms to its left and into this bush. Dense bush. F me. Okay, but you are Dad. So like a good Dad afraid of snakes…I wait. Haha. Then I see it on the other side of the bush, on the ground, moving into my backyard. This is probably a good time to tell you that during this now 45 mins, I got tired of holding the tool I was going to use to kill it. So now I am back to needing to karate chop it with my left hand. Great. Regardless, there is no way I am letting this thing into my backyard. So I get close…sneak up behind it…it can smell me…it turns its head towards me…and bam! I got him! Just below the head…on the neck? I don’t know. It curls up at the end of my pole, turning its head to me and hisses at me. Now…my state of mind is NOT good. I am shaking…remember, I am afraid of snakes. This is not helping my fear at all. Oh shit. Now what? I have no way to kill it…so I don’t. I started going through my head…this is a bull snake and not a rattler. It’s out here eating the field mice…and just minding it’s own business in a tree at shoulder height where the Amazon guy walks by. Can’t stay. So I walk this thing down to a drainage area AWAY from the houses and dump him in. That thing hissed at me…people on the road slowed down to see what I was carrying. Thanks for the help, neighbors. I don’t know where it went, but it was not in my tree this morning. Maybe planning an ambush with the other neighbor snakes.
I am not going to get into too many charts since this story was long. I hope you can appreciate the strength it took to chase that thing down. So can you imagine the strength it takes to fight a revolution? Next Thursday is July 4th. It is a day you should cherish because it started freedom on this planet from kings…permanently. While it did not free everyone immediately, it has set something so powerful in motion that continues to give freedom and inspire people to this day. So thank you to our Founding Fathers for their coverage…to know if caught, they would lose their life. The bull snake would have just bitten me without venom. So please toast to the people, men and women alike, who gave you the freedom you appreciate to this day. Some gave the ultimate.
In case you need some strength in something, I will leave you with this quote from Mark Twain, “Courage is not the lack of fear. It is acting in spite of it.”
Happy 4th! |
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What does not kill you makes you stronger (even snakes).
Tim |
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